I KNOW MY CALCULUS

by Philip Chang

            Margery, a junior in Pittsford Sutherland High School, was happy. She just got back her physics test, which she had aced in true Margery fashion. She was very proud of herself. Her average was over a hundred in that class! Unable to keep this to herself, she announced this in a sharp, high-pitched voice to the boy in the pink polo shirt next to her.

-          I got a hundred on this test! I’m so going to go to Stanford now!

-          Um. Wow. Great, said the boy. I’m sure you are proud of your achievement.

-          Yea, said Margery, I’m only a junior too! Man, studying until 2AM yesterday paid off!

A boy wearing Uggs who was sitting behind Margery knew this scenario all too well. It happened last year as well. And the year before that. And the year before that. He remembered similar scenes in chemistry last year…

-          Oh! I just aced my chemistry test! I’m so going to college!

-          Mmhmm. Margery, I’m sure you are proud of your achievement.

-          Man, I’m only a sophomore too! I’m so going to Stanford now! Man, studying two hours past my 9PM bedtime sure pays off!

Another boy wondered if Margery would ever stop her ranting. Would she just shut up? She was going to go higher on his hate-list. Sometimes he’d want to smack her. But that would get him in trouble. So he kicked her under the desk instead.

-          Will you shut up? he said. I’m trying to play Tetris on my graphing calculator right now. You’re only going to draw Pavone’s attention.

-          Oh, ok, said Margery, You’re just mad because you got a ninety-eight on the test right?

-          Um, right. That’s still an A+.

-          Its ok, said Margery. We can’t all be like me.

After this, the boy just ignored her. Hell, its fourth quarter. He’s could get a D and still end up with a decent grade. He didn’t really care about the school or his grades. He only performed to please his parents. The school was falling apart anyways. It didn’t even have walls, a floor, or even a ceiling in some parts. He thought about how long it was until the end of the period, and went to sleep.

In the next period, AP American History, Margery got back another quiz that she aced. She was so happy. It was her first AP class, and she was so excited for it. Not only would it ensure her chances of getting into Stanford, but it would also give her a chance to work with Amet. She knew he was a very intelligent from the way he introduced himself in seminar. He had said:

-          Hello! My name is Amet and I’m in BC Calculus! HAHAHAHAHA!

While this type of introduction was a bit egotistic, Margery remembered the fact that he was a junior in BC Calculus. She mentally noted that he was a very good resource when in need of help in math. Thinking back, she wondered why he made that obnoxious, high-pitched laugh after his introduction. She quickly dismissed the idea. He was smart anyways – a good tool for later use.

l   l   l

            Later that night, Margery was in front of her computer. It was Friday night, and what better things to do than start her AP American seminar? She glanced at her seminar assignment sheet. The question was slightly difficult: Was Andrew Jackson a tyrant or a hero? This question confused her. Andrew Jackson was both a tyrant and hero! How could she pick one or another? Well, she knew just the way to remedy the problem. Quickly logging on AOL Instant Messenger, she searched for seniors who took the course last year. How did they answer the question?

            There! There were her victims. She would antagonize them until they gave her answers. They would in no way pose a barrier to her acceptance to Stanford! However, one after another refused to give her answers. The question was too old, or the seniors had forgotten about it. One by one, the seniors signed off. Margery was extremely disappointed, and wondered how she would ever write this seminar. In her mind, she bashed the seniors, Mr. Smith, and the AP class. If she didn’t get into Stanford, they would be the ones to blame.

            Then, the boy in the pink polo shirt signed on. He had hardly been online for five seconds when he saw message from Unananas77. Even though he did not have that name on his buddy list, he knew it was Margery. Only someone as haughty as Margery would have a screen-name in French. Well, he knew how to deal with her online. He told her that he didn’t know about the question. When she pressed harder, he redirected her to Will, one of his friends. Margery sat next to Will in middle school, and decided to use this to pry answers from Will.

-          Hey Will! How is everything going?

-          Uhhhhhh their goin k…whos this?

-          This is Margery! Remember, we worked together before?

-          Ummm iuno I fi kno neone named margeyr…

Margery was furious. How could Will forget about her? How pompous! She had sat with him for a whole five weeks in sixth grade! Margery felt hurt. Then, she decided that Will was just a snobby, egoistic bastard, and those types of people were not worth her time or attention.

Then Margery saw that Amet came online. Surely he would help her. She quickly asked him for help. Being proud of his BC Calculus background, Amet answered all of Margery’s questions swiftly and confidently. He had always wanted to impress her. Margery was happy again. She had found her answers, and her chances of going to Stanford were raised again. Being in a good mood, she pressed the colon and close parenthesis buttons and gave Amet a smiley face online.

On the other end, Amet was pleased. He thought had succeeded in impressing a girl with his BC Calculus skills. Even though AP American had nothing to do with BC Calculus, he attributed all of his successes to the fact that he was in BC Calculus when he was a junior. It gave him confidence, a swagger, and a way to impress girls. Surely, he thought he had Margery intrigued with him now. Not losing any time, he would take this chance to ask her out online. Since he was in BC Calculus, she would surely fall to his charms. Therefore, he types with confidence and says:

-          I’m in BC Calculus! That means I know my calculus! It says you plus me equals us! HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! Will you go out with me?

Margery was surprised by this sudden question. Then, she wondered why Amet would tell her that he was in BC Calculus before asking her out. She was also puzzled by his use of calculus. How does you plus me equal us? This equation did not make sense at all! His obnoxious laugh also bothered her as well. Well, her use for him was over anyways. She was a predatory female, and she swiftly devoured her victim’s heart.

Amet was shocked. He had planned everything perfectly! But then, he suddenly realized that being in BC Calculus is not really special. He knew his venture was useless. Slowly, he let his hands drop off the keyboard, into his lap. Letting his head fall back, he looked at his drawing of himself as a young doctor. He saw himself as a creature possessed and disparage by narcissism, and his chest burned with sorrow and resentment.